What does this pandemic lockdown have in store for stressed marriages or relationships?

Like most people of this generation, I’ve experienced the good the bad and the ugly. The good great and the bad really fucking horrible. 

Equality is key.

The coronavirus is going challenge those relationships that have adopted anything but equality in their relationships. What do I mean? I blame Disney and the 80’s ideals of the perfect man! More on this in a later episode.

Equality in any relationship is fundamentally key, not just an ideal but something that is required for relationships to go the whole hog and work. Elevating yourself above your partner and you’ll be looking down, put them on a pedestal and you’ll be looking up. BAD IDEA!

Being ‘stuck’ at home with a partner could be the best thing that has happened to you. WHY?

I’ve had lots of emails over the last few months from people who have been asking for guidance on how to deal with their partners during the lockdown. For some reason, the small daily frustrations have been magnified and manifested into the significant, despite how irrational it seems when talking out loud. 

  • Too many cushions on the sofa?
  • Plates left next to dishwasher?
  • Bins not put out?
  • Dog poo not picked up?
  • DIY not being done?
  • Clothes not put away?
  • Car dirty?

I’m not sure that any of these frustrations are a reason to end a relationship but you’d be surprised at how these small things become validation and grow into something created from nothing. 

Cut back to the basics. Personally “owned” anxiety and stress is likely the primary reason for your heightened awareness over any small points, so DEAL WITH IT!

If you are frustrated at something then make NOW the opportunity to start talking between yourselves, about what you want to change. Avoid the temptation to wait for the perfect moment as it is likely to manifest further and the state of ‘frustration’ will highlight many, many other ‘created’ aspects about the relationship that isn’t working , many false triggers and many only created within your own mind. 

TALK, TALK, TALK. No this isn’t a promotion for a mobile network. If you can’t resolve then look for some guidance and then take it from there, but make sure you at least get started on your own. 

Being together and listening to each other is not something that we usually have, in our past pre-corona lives, we’ve got phones ringing, the television on, SOCIAL MEDIA TO CATCH UP ON, more important things to do.

ACCEPT YOU ARE DIFFERENT, join together on things that you enjoy but accept that the other can enjoy interests that are different to your own, lets face it, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with your carbon copy. Set aside an hour in the evening to have a glass of wine or your chosen refreshment in the garden together and talk about your day and interests.

If you are struggling within your relationship within the lockdown and questioning the longevity, own your actions… if you are doing nothing to make it great then you might as well be doing nothing.

Ask yourself; ‘If I woke up tomorrow morning and everything was great in this relationship, what would I need to change?’ Once you have addressed some of those elements then revert back to the question. 

Often a few slight changes can bring about sometimes considered insignificant emotional shifts that radically improve how YOU FEEL about your loved one.

So to answer the question “What does this pandemic lockdown have in store for the marriages or relationships” I have no idea, but one thing is for sure, the lockdown will have highlighted a number of issues that need addressing and I suspect those who continue to work on their relationship and discuss their issues will enjoy many happy years together.

If you need help within your relationship then ask. You aren’t alone. 

Domestic abuse: how to get help. Find out how to get help if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse.

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