Benjamin Bonetti Therapy Online Coaching

Anger itself isn't a problem — it's how you handle it and more importantly the message that isn’t being heard. 

Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when someone whose anger is out of control confronts you, we’ve all dealt with it. 

Partner, friend or just a random member of the public, more now seen than ever before. If we are to manage, we must first learn to understand.


So what is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase.

Your senses more acute and your face and hands flushed – think dog being backed into a corner and you’ll come close to a visualisation.

Anger isn’t a problem for most and only becomes a problem only when you don't manage it in a healthy way. It is a natural built in mechanism to protect you from harm and assist in resolution.

Note the last part of that sentence. Resolution.

So it's not 'bad' to feel angry?

Being angry isn't always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns and look for a positive outcome.. It can prevent others from walking all over you and demonstrate and highlight that something isn’t working – usually within, rather than external.

It can motivate you to do something positive… but only when you listen. 

Heard the phrase don’t make the same mistake twice – well the same applies to anger, you should get angry at the same thing twice. If you have then perhaps it is time to listen. 

What causes people to get angry

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren't appreciated, and injustice. Something we are seeing at the moment on a scale not seen for nearly 100 years. 

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren't taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst, heard the saying about blowing off steam!

So, what is the best way to handle anger?

When you're angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst. The personal training is to reduce the number of violent outbursts and channel the ‘expression’ or ‘passion’ into something productive. 

Angry about how your community is being treated? How can you stand up for your community without anger being a factor. Watch Malcom X if you need some pointers on how to show passion via a controlled manner. 

Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behaviour. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behaviour. Pressure cookers have a shelf life and the seals start to perish. Have an outlet. Sport or exercise is a brilliant way to release pressure in a controlled manner. 

Calming down. This is when you control your outward behaviour and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside. Use meditation audiobooks or allocate time out to recharge your batteries. You are no good to anyone if you are stressed and angry.

Can anger harm your health? 

There is ample research to suggest that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Suppressing anger appears to make chronic pain worse, while expressing anger reduces pain. 

There's also evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease, high blood pressure, peptic ulcers and stroke. 

Should I seek help to control my anger? 

Why wouldn’t you?

We're here to help with whatever you may need. It might be a question about health, stress, anxiety, focus or motivation.

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